Love Aint Always Pretty

Chapter 96: 96 Eternal

Eternal

- having no beginning and no end in time; lasting forever; existing at all times; always true or valid; seeming to last forever

96

NICK'S POV

When I think about the day that I married Savannah, I couldn't help but smile at every detail of it.

I would always and proudly say that it was indeed one of the greatest and most fulfilling days of my life.

One of the best days that I would say I'm proud of having been through.

I still remember how The Plaza looked that day with all the wedding decorations Savannah wanted, I let her choose all the things she wanted because it's her dream wedding, of course I helped around with the decision making too.

I still remember how her hair was done, how beautiful she was on her wedding dress and how amazing she was when she walked down the aisle.

God, I still remember how she was amazingly gorgeous that day. She was perfect. Everything was perfect that day.

Of course, Lissa and Dani looked pretty on their dress too since they were the ones who picked it.

I remember how nervous I was back then before the wedding started. I remember standing next to Cameron, Alec and Aries at the end of the aisle while they teased me on not forgetting to say my I Do.

I remember that we were waiting for her to walk through the doors when Cameron grabbed my shoulder and leaned over closer then whispered something to me.

He said, "I never liked you."

I chuckle to myself and noticed that Aries and Alec were laughing too.

I whispered back to his ear, "I know."

He grins at my answer, "I'm glad you're aware of that."

I bent my head down and smiled ruefully at myself. "Always has been." novelbin

"But then I realized how you love my sister so dearly." He whispers back and I know he was serious about it.

I nod.

"You're the only one who met my high standards for Savannah, Nick. I'm happy it's you." He adds.

"How about me?" Aries asked.

"Shut up Aries. You're such a freaking womanizer. I wouldn't want to worry about my sister." Cameron says.

All of us laughed.

But I was happy hearing that coming from Cameron, despite what happened to us in the past when we were both in college, even before I met Savannah, he still said those words to me even though he hated me and I know he means what he said because he's here beside me and I know he's not lying about it. Plus, it means a lot on my part hearing that coming from Cameron.

"I'm thankful you didn't let her go Nick. I'm thankful you stayed with her. I'm thankful you saved her." He adds.

"She's the one who saved me Cameron." I tell him.

"If you're worried about your past, I don't really care about it or what you did. You've got my vote now. Well, I guess five out of five. Ingrid told me about that before." He chuckles and I laugh softly with him.

"I love her Cameron." I say firmly.

"I know." He answered.

"We've been together for so long. I've lost and left her a lot of times. I don't want to lose Savannah anymore."

Cameron looks at me.

"Ever." I say firmly.

It was more than seven years ago that I met her, and every day since then, I've somehow fallen in love with her a little bit more than usual because she always amaze me in everything she does. I thought it was unhealthy at first that I was falling in love with her but I realized that I was just depriving myself from what love has in store for me and Savannah. I enclosed myself and pulled myself away from her a lot of times and I was hurting her even if I didn't want to.

I don't want to deny it but I cried the day I married her. I'm proud that I cried because I was crying cos I loved her too much and I can finally be with her and that she can be mine all eternity. My tears gathered in my eyes when the doors opened and she entered so elegantly. I cried as I watch her walk down the aisle because it was the start of my future with her.

Her tears were falling too, much than mine did. She walked down the aisle with her father. That time to me, she looked like an angel on our wedding. She was too beautiful, too beautiful that I couldn't stop myself from looking at her. Too beautiful that I couldn't stop myself from being much more in love with her.

Every step that she walks closer to me, her tears would fall. Every step she takes closer to me, my heart would beat ridiculously fast and I would try not to cry hard.

I remember how her dad said to me that this time he knew he's sure that he made the right decision for Savannah and I made sure he did. I remember how she held my hand and accepted it as she smiles at me while we walk towards the altar together.

I remember how she whispered to my ear before the priest had to say something. She said, "I'd have to say, you look handsomely hot on that tuxedo."

I remember smiling at her and kissed her temple, "You're beautiful. I love you." That's all I could say to her because I knew I do.

Even though Tracy couldn't witness it physically, even though she left us, I know she's watching us from above right now and I know she's insanely happy that me and Savannah finally ended together. If she was only here now, she could've been happy.

It was roughly ten months ago when we found out that we were having a baby....

Again.

We weren't really trying to have a second baby because we were both busy with our work and we just have Lissa. Even though Lissa wants a baby sister or brother so bad, we just couldn't have one more yet. We weren't really trying not to have a baby. As what Savannah would always tell Lissa, if it will happen, then it will happen.

And it did. She got pregnant.

When the three of us found out, we were excited. We were really excited.

Lissa even cried and couldn't stop asking Savannah every single day about when she's going to deliver it out. Every time she comes home after her class, she would hug Savannah right away and she would put her ear close to Savannah's tummy.

As much as I could say that I was excited as well, at the same time I was also scared.

This was a little different from Lissa's because that time, I didn't know she was mine and now that the doctor said it to my face that Savannah was conceiving a baby, I was scared of the fear that happened to me in the past with Catherine. I was scared of everything bad that could possibly happen to her and to our baby. I'm worried as hell that the past would happen to us or she'll have a miscarriage. I couldn't stop myself from worrying about it. I couldn't stop thinking about what could happen to her. I'm traumatized of my past.

"It's a boy," the doctor says to me as the baby begins to cry on his arms.

Savannah intentionally didn't want to find out about our baby's gender until she gives birth because she wanted to surprise us on the day of her delivery. And I am indeed surprised.

A boy.

A baby boy.

I just became a father again for the third time.

A baby boy just like Catherine's.

Savannah looks up at me.

Say something. I thought to myself.

"It's a boy Nick." She says while wiping her tears from her cheeks.

I smiled at her and wiped her sweat on her forehead. "I know."

Say something else Nick.

"What do you want to name our baby?" She asked me.

I know she's tired but she's still smiling so happily at me.

"What do you want to name him?" She asks me again.

She looks at our baby boy and was smiling at him while her eyes were set on his face.

"Vance." I say.

She looks up at me "I was planning on naming him Stanley but Vance would be nice too." She whispers.

That's my second name. Stanley.

"But why Vance?" She asks.

"From your name Savannah. Vance. But not the shoe brand."

Savannah smiles at me and says, "Vance Stanley." She insist we name him like that.

And I love it.

I wouldn't have it any other way cos she wants it and I want it too.

The nurse walks over to Savannah and lays Vance in her arms. She begins to cry out and I was amazed that Vance wasn't crying anymore once Savannah carried him.

For some reason, I'm still afraid now that I know my second baby is a boy. I'm afraid he might experience what I've experienced in life. I don't want that to happen to him. I don't want him to close himself from people and stop himself from loving others. I don't want him to suffer what I suffered.

I'm very terrified that my past experiences might have ruined any ability that I have to feel what every father should feel in this moment when a father is having a junior.

"Nick. Come here." She says, wanting me move closer to her.

I slowly walk towards her and sit down next to her on the bed. She hands Vance next to me, and my hands are shaking as I extend them to her though I try to hide it. But I fully take him with my own will, and my hands were still shaking uncontrollably.

I wasn't like this when I held Lissa on my arms.

I close my eyes for a while and release a slow breath before finding enough courage to open them again to look at Vance.

I feel Savannah's hand touches gently on to my arm.

"He's beautiful Nick." She tells me.

But my eyes were still closed though I was still holding my son. As much as it hurts Savannah seeing me like this, she knows too well that I'm not ready to have a son after I lost one in the past.

"Look at him." Savannah whispers.

I took a deep breath in before opening my eyes and I quickly inhale sharply when I see Vance lying down, looking up at me on my arms. He's quiet and small and perfectly fitted over my arms. He is beautiful.

Savannah was right. He is beautiful.

He has Savannah's hair.

He has blue eyes too.

He has my eyes.

I feel it.

It's all there.

Everything I should have felt when I should have held the son I had with Catherine for the first time, it's here. I feel it building up.

I was someone who lacked the ability to love someone because of my horrible past, believing that I deprived myself from love, but as I look down at Vance and how calm he is on my arms, he made me feel that he will be an add to my list who made me feel like I want to love people more.

Savannah.

Lissa.

And him, Vance.

One look at my son, and I feel so proud of him already. Even though he's just two-minute old.

"He's so beautiful Savannah." I whisper, trying my very best not to cry.

"So beautiful." My voice cracks.

My face is then covered in tears without me noticing it. I'm crying tears of joy.

Goodness I'm crying.

The pain will always be with me and so will the fear but it is no longer part of my life because they're only moments now. Moments from my past.

Moments that will always be beclouded every time I spend my days with Savannah and now that I have my children with me too, we will start a new life.

My family.

I kiss Vance's forehead, and then I lean over to Savannah to kiss her. I thank her for giving me a second baby that's something this beautiful again.

As I look down at the perfection that we created months ago, that's when it hits me, all the pain was all worth it.

All those horrible past and sufferings I've been through, it was all worth it. Despite all of the people that I lost, I was still happy with what I've been through, heaven and hell, because I met Savannah in the long run after those darkness clouding and following me everywhere I went to.

As if I was in a cave and at the end of my darkened journey, Savannah was my light.

All of the disastrous past that I've passed and all the hell that I've been through, it all led to a beautiful mess called Savannah Canterbury.

Savannah Coleen Canterbury Wilde.

~ FIN ~

__________

SFTC:

And I Love Her - The Passenger